Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Piercing Gaze of the Walmart Ogre

Some people just are not meant to have their photo's taken. One example can be clearly seen at my local Walmart. At the customer service desk, there's this sort of photo diarama of Walmart employee's smiling, some sort of emphasis on customer service itself. They're smiling, that's fine. I can dig that, that's part of their job. They smile better than I do.

Except one.

Lady must be in her fifties, late forties...possibly lost her attractiveness in her thirties when she possibly got married or gave up making herself appeasing for mating purposes. Teeth crooked in all directions. Eyes piercing, almost yellow in color. Face rather like a goblin, buldging and pointed in such a fashion. Hair like spindled spider webs. Dressed in her sacred blues and yellows...

The image is enough to send a shiver down my spine. It is the look of a creature that must dwell within caverns deep and terrible.

I avert my eyes and go on my way...I remember I was just passing by to get a birthday card for my aunt.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Saving the World with the Power of Love

My first character in Dragon Age: Origins, Dalvus Aeuducan, was an interesting characer. A member of the Noble Caste, who's personal story was one of redemption in the face of being a Kinslayer. But he was also a horndog. He would fuck anything and everything. Over the course of the story, Dalvus fathered an illegitimate child after a threesome during his origin story, was a regular customer at the Pearl Bar and Brothel in Denerim, was not afraid to seduce a guard out of his armor to bust out of prison, and even shagged two of his own team mates on the side while also toying with a bisexual Elven Assasin.
With all his debauchery, it wasn't just crude life-choices and whoring...his extravagant amount of love for all things saved the world.
As he battled the Archdemon atop Fort Drakon at the apex of his saga, Dalvus Aeducan used his masterful bedroom arts to slay the vile dragon-- By humping the Ballista's to fire harpoons at the Archdemon!

Okay, technically, it was more of an annoying auto-targeting issue. After each time I clicked the Ballista to fire on the Arch Demon, Dalvus would automatically target a Darkspawn who was nearby...actually clear across the other side of the zone. Thus behavior forced me to continually mash the A button, causing Davlus to jerk in place by the Ballista, garnering a rather hilarious "Humping" animation...and the killing animation he performed the Arch Demon was not made any more heroic as I made grunting and orgasm sounds from the couch, giving the mental image of the Dwarf on the screen "Face-Humping" the dragon to death, my friends on the couch also rolling around trying not to die from laughter.

So ended the saga of Dalvus...He made sweet love to the nation of Ferelden...He loved the fuck out of it.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Operation: Christmas Shenanigans

As it has been for the last three years, me and my brother intend to uphold a tradition we are trying to start and keep going- Strange gifts. I feel it's necessary for our family. Gifts are usually very expected, or very common...The ceremonial disembowlment of paper-covered boxes rarely ever gets the room to explode in laughter.
Our traditions states- If we cannot think of something special for you, we will get you the strangest gift we can think of, usually a hideous stuffed animal, weirdly colored vase, or a cactus. Yes, we will get you a cactus for christmas if we have to.
Why? Because, while they may certainly enjoy that cookware set Aunt Patty got your mother, she'll be talking about that monkey-patterned fleece robe for months.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Those damn lists

The christmas list. Does your family still make you do them?
It's still common practice in our family. When you're a kid, it's easy to say what you want- toys! Lots and lots of toys. That's what kids like. Nowadays, me drawing ever closer to being twenty five friggin' years old, toys are things I buy with my own money on my own time, because I'm not a kid anymore. People don't need to buy me toys anymore.
Not to mention, living in a one-bedroom apartment with my brother, I've learned to quell the 'wants' in my life to a degree so my spending isn't crippled by unnecessary spending for the time when the 'needs' come around...like groceries, gas, bills, and the occasional auto-checkup.
That said, I was seriously tempted to put down some new pots and pans and some new kitchen table chairs on the list because our cook ware is vanishing for some reason, and our chairs are breaking. Because they are old. And rickety.
So, after listing a few things on this years list that I might actually want, I added a footnote saying "You know what? When you go out gift shopping, get for me something that makes you think of me." Because, really, it's the thought that really matters rather than the actual gift. Now that I'm older and wiser, I'd be just as happy recieving a gift card or maybe some cologne as long as it was given thoughtfully.

Next post: I'll talk about me and my brothers time honored gift-buying tradition.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Dragon Age: Completed

Last night I completed my first run of Dragon Age: Origins with my Dwarven Warrior Noble. I personally found it to be a very satisfying RPG experience. Granted, as I've stated before, as a Warrior who was all about charging into battle and just "winging it", I always felt the game was offering me options to be more strategic than I was going about it. I never really tinkered with my party members AI settings or tactic slots all that terribly much, nor did I switch out a lot of their abilities...which made taking them seem a moot point.

For my next playthrough, I'll probably go the Mage path.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Episode DELAYED

Normally when it comes to things like Convention Reports, we try to be very punctual with getting that material out. However...we recorded our latest episode on my...
*Checks the device*
Aiptek 480P Camcorder. And since no one could find the usb cable to actually upload it to the internets, we've actually contemplated either finding the cable, or buying, or re-record the episode using the ye olde Rock Band mic, which went MIA that day in particular.

Sonuvabitch.

~Ain't no rest for the wicked.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Origins of the Age of Dragons

Dragon Age: Origins is one of those RPG's that smacks you in the face with the big picture at the very beginning. A group of mages got greedy and tried to steal the power of God. In return they were cursed into creature called Darkspawn, and thus began an event known as the Blight. As a Gray Warden, it's your duty to fight off the Darkspawn, and unite the factions of Ferelden when the next Blight (large Darkspawn invasion) occurs.

Of course it's never that cut and clear. Soon, you'll be so up to your nose in political intrigue, backstories, side quests, personal errands and overall questing, that you might have forgotten about the Darkspawn if you didn't run into them on occasion out on the world map.

Gameplay wise, Dragon Age borrows a lot from the KOTOR games, as well as a few things from World of Warcraft- which is not altogether a bad thing- most notably the ability cooldowns and the money system (gold, silver, copper). Target the enemy and you'll automatically wail on them with your chosen weapon until you give a command for an ability to be used. This works, however I've found myself on a few occasions tapping the A button.

The big thing in Dragon Age is the titular Origins. At games start you select an origin based on your chosen race and class, which is your own personally tailored origin tale for about two hours until events force you out and into the service of the Grey Wardens. I went with the Dwarven Warrior Noble, in which I was the second son of the King of the Dwarves, and wind up being tricked into killing my elder brother by my cousin- all in a ploy to remove me from power and out of the capital. My brother did the Human Warrior Noble path (mainly because he wasn't aware he could change his origins as well as class), but had little to say on the matter.

The characters in Dragon Age are interesting. The one's you like, you like. The one's you don't, you hate. I try not to use Morrigan, the titular boobs of the group, because she complains and sasses about EVERYTHING, and as far as I've determined, you lose standing with her if you make any moral decisions outside of the Neutral spectrum.

About midway through the game you'll unlock the ability to take side jobs for a variety of groups, which will serve as a means of aiding them in your campaign against the oncoming Darkspawn.
[Minor Spoiler] Due to the regent to the kingdom being an absolute dick, these are often taken in secret from drop points, and serve as a decent break from the heavy story.

Item crafting exists, but as of this writing I've found very little use in it. I often buy the bulk of my healing goods, however it's possibly cheaper to make your own. Traps and poisons...since I am playing a Warrior and am fond of the "Rush in and stab" means of combat, I find little use for Traps. On my next playthrough I will opt for a Rogue.

Sad to say, the intricate strategy Dragon Age wants me to utilize is often lost on me. I often don't switch to other characters to utilize because I like my little Dwarf dude, and I have a responsibility to keep my main character alive. When games do force me into the role of another party member, it's often disorienting. I might go in and tweak the party AI settings thing to see if I can garner further success and upgrading their gear (I haven't had to change my armor since I finished my origin story. I somehow lucked out and wound up with top tier Superior Dwarven Guard Armor), other than that, I trust in their ability to not die. It's not that I don't care about them, they are incredibly useful. As the player in control of the Leader, I prefer to command the leader, and have faith that my followers will not make boneheaded decisions in the midst of a boss battle. It worked pretty well for me in KOTOR and Jade Empire, and so far it's served me good here.

Dragon Age: Origins is definately still worth a look, despite a few bugs and flaws.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Duty Free Mornings

It's amazing what an hour's shift in schedule can do to one's perception of the day. My work schedule has become almost identical to the hectic days of working nights delivering pizzas or tending to the box office at ye olde Harkins.
It's nearly 8:30AM at the moment...I've wearing my favorite robe and froggie PJ bottoms, enjoying my second cup of coffee. Outside, the world has begun it's motions. By 9AM I can be confident that the majority of people have started their day.

I love the feeling of early morning. 8:33AM now. If I was still in High School I'd still be getting over the morning grogginess in first period class.

I've been making it my aim to try and be up at an early hour. Mostly due to my extreme dislike of sleeping in and my recent over sleeping. People would argue that I can afford to sleep in because I don't go into work till 3pm. Well, to be honest, I'm not the kind of person who wants to laze about until the time comes to jump a shower and be ready. I like to prepare for my day. The value I assign to the end of the day is greatly proportional to the number of things I've accomplished and/or done over the course of the day. Even if it's something that's as simple as tuning into a youtube channel I like for a few minutes of funny.

Bah...my coffee's gotten cold.

The early morning comes,
An Autumn chill in the air.
I shall take it slow.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Operation: Dwarven Booty Call

Dragon Age: Origins is out today, as many in the Gamer community are aware. The trolls and the kiddies are bashing it graphic wise, but other than that no other complaints have dripped through the pipes.

And it appears as though the game will be sporting a sort of romance feature in which your character can woo an npc or party member.
That said, I now have a new ambition--I want to get a Dwarf laid.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Saboten After

Saboten Con '09 was a fun two day adventure. And perhaps the most different layout-wise. It was held at a Hilton where the middle of the hotel was dominated by a massive cooridor with a bar in the middle. This area housed the Artist Alley which normally at most Cons I've been to, have been the smaller and underappreciated venues. This time around, it was the dominant venue. Normally, it's the vendor room that is massive, this time it was tucked away in one of the smaller conference rooms and only became aware of it's existance late Friday night.

One thing I try to do at a Con if I can, is try something new, because often there are many things happening simultaneously, and I have to decide...one or the other.
This con around, I attended a Character Auction. My first thought was that it was a costume auction for some high grade cosplay gettups. Sort of.
I wound up winning a "sort of date" with Nel from Bleach, which included a free dinner. Which meant I got to hang with a professional Cosplay Actress for a few hours while she acted in character, get fed, and hang out with other "in character" cosplayers. It was fun engaging these characters in conversations, talking specifically to the character than the person, and them responding in kind.

Of course, the big thing that made it all were the people. As always. The good rock and roll people. The Hotel Staff that I personally dealt with were down with what we were doing to their place of business, and knew the drill. Jo on the other hand got the assholes.

Also met up with my old school chum Tosh Delaney, keeping the spirit of Stump Comix alive and well with his own comic book publications. A great friend and a great artist.

Didn't spend a dime in the Vendor room. I toured those shelves for a title, any title I might want, and lo, I realized all I ever could want to read I can read online.
Though it's nice to support the publisher.

So here's to all of you, who attended Saboten Con '09, and may we all meet again at the next one.